Get A Grip On Yourselves, Kids!

While learning English, I’ve spent a lot of time watching British and American movies and TV series, reading English books and so on, so forth. While enjoying all that, I’ve also been aware of the differences from Russia that I encountered on the way. Differences in culture, people’s mindset, so on, so forth.

What probably struck me most, though, was the difference in the process of upbringing the children. We do not share the tolerance they have for their misbehaviour, we don’t treat our teenagers like gods, mesmerised by any sign of affection they send our way. And I was also fascinated by the notion of imaginary friends.

I thought of it as of an interesting cultural peculiarity, one that has never been even known or experienced by Russian children. At least, to my knowledge. So I was simply amused by the idea. T

hat is, until I heard a licensed pshychologist say that having an imaginary friend is a protective mechanism used by many children to shield their delicate minds from harsh reality: a death in the family or drastic changes in their way of life.

I lost my grandfather at the age of seven. We moved around a lot, so I had to change schools five times. One of those times was abroad, while my English was shaky at best, and the only relative living with me at the time was my grandmother, who threw tantrums every time I didn’t feel like accompanying her to the beach.

And, through all that, guess, what? My pscyche is fine. I never had an imaginary friend. I am very sociable, far from being an under-achiever, and I love my parents. I even love my Grandma. And I tell them that. Am I one of a kind? No. (I don’t believe that “Everybody’s special” stuff, either). I know lots of people whos childhoods sucked, and they’re fine.

In fact, the only people I’ve known or heard of in Russia having imaginary friends or stuff like that are severely challenged mentally or had alcoholic parents who beat them. You know, those who actually needed something to protect them. That I can understand.

So, the next time someone tells me that it’s normal for a child to be talking to thin air, I’ll tell them to pay attention to that kid – he or she is not well. Problems at school, sick aunt – whatever, playing with your dolls is one thing, but making up a nonexistent friend instead of making new ones is either a sign of huge psychological problems or, much more often, just a shout for attention.

Don’t spoil your kids. Someone will have to deal with them when they grow up. But no-one might want to. And who are they going to shout to then?